1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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