Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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