i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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