Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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