is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
