Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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