she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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