I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
