Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
