I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
