Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
