I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
