I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
