i think my mom watched the whole time
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
