Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
