i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
