I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
