idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
