My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am spending my child support on dildos
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Life is so much better after having sex.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize