You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
