I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize