Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
