I can text with my tongue
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
