I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
