now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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