i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need to calm my uterus...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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