we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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