this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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