If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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