matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
