Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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