oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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