Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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