I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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