Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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