woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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