the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
