ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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