My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
