I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
