yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
