just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
