Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
