my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
