I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
