i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize