what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
