Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
