You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
