You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
