like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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