i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
