I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize