went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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