if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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