So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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