I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
