Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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