I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
