Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
