Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
