38 yer olds are good kisserssss
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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