If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
