ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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