literally had 100 drinks last night.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
