What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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