I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
