Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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