Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
