i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
