Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
