We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
